I'm amused!

 

ONLY IN AMERICA

-Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an
ambulance.

-Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the
pens to the counters.

-Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the
driveway
and put our useless junk in the garage.

-Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and
then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want
to talk to in the first place.

-Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the
process so well:
'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

-Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille
lettering.


EVER WONDER


Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?


Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?


Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?


Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on "Start"?


Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid
made with real lemons?


Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?


Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?


You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why
don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?


Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?


Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?


If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?


In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat
nuts."

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly."

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals."

Word to the wise:  The thugz who makes a difference in yo life is not tha ones wit tha M-to-tha-izzost credentials, tha M-to-tha-izzost money, or tha mizzle awards.
They is tha ones that care.